Well, it’s official: Armageddon is postponed again.
Oxford Dictionary defines Armageddon as “the last battle between good and evil before the Day of Judgment,” and never have we been closer to seeing that definition been brought to life than when the Christians and Satanists scheduled a meeting at midfield of Washington’s Bremerton Memorial Stadium after a high school football game.
What’s that, you say? By now, you’re probably familiar with the plight of Bremerton (Wash.) assistant football coach Joe Kennedy, who has engaged in a six-week battle with Bremerton School District over his postgame prayers.
In a nutshell, Kennedy came under fire from the district last month for leading postgame prayers sessions with student-athletes, fellow coaches, community members and any Christian who just felt like praising Jesus after a prep football game. After all, the Constitution requires a separation of church and state in public high schools, and nowhere is more public than the 50-yard line of a prep football field. Kennedy conformed. For a week. Before resuming prayers, with help from the Liberty Institute, until the district finally placed him on administrative leave.
The district’s decision, coincidental or not, comes after The Satanic Temple of Seattle vowed to counter Kennedy’s postgame prayer with a Satanic invocation at midfield after Bremerton’s season finale against Sequim on Friday. (Sequim’s nickname is the Wolves, by the way, so we’d suggest the mascot take the evening off for fear of sacrifice.)
“Not all students are Christians, and may feel pressured to pray nonetheless when led by a school-sponsored authority figure, especially a coach,” Satanic Temple of Seattle chapter head Lilith Starr wrote in a press release, presumably sent with Hades as the return address. “The Satanic Temple is taking steps to ensure that our faith is allowed equal representation at Bremerton High School, as required by law.”
In case you were wondering, yes, Seattle’s Satanic Temple does have a Tumblr blog. (But for those of you familiar with the Book of Revelation, the Satanists missed a real opportunity to call it a web-Gog or web-Megog.)
Bremerton senior class president Abe Bartlett, a wrestler and a Christian, was among the students who invited The Satanic Temple of iSeattle to Friday night’s football game, according to multiple local media outlets. The goal in doing so, it seems, was to force the district’s hand into either accepting all forms of religious freedom or none. It takes some serious brimstones for a high school kid to ask Jesus and the Antichrist to join hands. Kennedy had to respect that.
Here’s what Bremerton’s assistant football coach wrote in a Facebook message to Bartlett, per The Seattle Times:
“Way to stand up! Proud of you. I agree that anyone of any faith should be able to pray to whoever or whatever they believe in. That’s what the Constitution is for. I said I would meet them and didn’t have a problem with them. Their beliefs are their beliefs and is protected by the constitution. I hope you understand that I am not making a ‘Christian’ only stance. It’s a Constitutional rights stance. Anyways it takes lots of guts to stand up for what you believe in. Very proud of your courage.”
It’s unclear whether Seattle’s Satanists still plan on attending Friday’s showdown. The latest press release must’ve burnt somewhere in transmission from the fiery depths of hell. But for now it appears Kennedy will not be on the sidelines. So, for those expecting to see the Son of Man and a beast with seven heads and 10 horns battle at midfield, you’ll have to settle for a Washington high school football game between Bremerton (2-6) and Sequim (5-2) instead.
Yup, Armageddon has been postponed again.